Cheryl K. Chumley
February 5, 2018
The Washington Times
Doritos has determined that its chips’ market needs a new model, one that’s particular to those of the female persuasion, and so food engineers employed by the company have come up with a less messy, less noisy, less crunchy alternative.
Chips for chicks. Sure, it has a certain ring to it.
But is this truly a market need?
Who knew this was even a true market want?
Far be it to strip the free market from its power to decide — but seriously, if women have to have a special chip in order to eat politely in public, either America’s got a priority problem or there’s just a whole underground of women out there nobody ever heard of who have nonetheless been handed a golden wand of power. #MeToo move over — there are chips to de-crunch.
Doritos today; Fritos tomorrow. The world is these women’s oysters, it seems.
Of course, this is all the stuff of stuff and nonsense. What women really want — and any woman will tell you this, chip-eating or not — are heels that don’t hurt. Shoe companies have been working on that for some time, and the best they’ve come up with is something called Flats.
Still waiting. Oh well. Women are a patient bunch.
Today, chips that don’t crunch, tomorrow, heels that don’t hurt — and after that, who knows. Maybe women will get better border protection, even stronger Second Amendment rights to shoot off their attackers, less regulation and government control, teeny-tiny tax burdens and, umm, let’s see, well now, let’s shoot for the moon here, less stupid in the world.
Take a memo, make a list. Chick chips, it appears, is just the beginning.
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